The 5 most common types of double fight and how to avoid them – Women Tips
No relationship is a "bed of roses" and who is dating or married already knows that! From time to time a little discussion arises, by a variety of issues, and may even trigger a bigger fight. And this is regardless of the time that women and men are together, however much they love each other and consciously do not wish in any way, be feuding with each other!
According to Ceci Akatmatusu, energy therapist personare and author of the book "For the Love happens," the difficulty of communication and problems with self-esteem are the major challenges, not only for couples, but in any relationship. "Between two people who relate more intimate way, these challenges are even more evident," he says. So they can be considered the main causes of fights between couples.
It is difficult to generalize, since each couple has its quirks, but, leaving aside the personal stories, the relationship of time of each, among other things, there are some conflicting issues that generate discussions among most couples. Below you can see what they are as well as tips on how to prevent issues from turning into a big fight:
1. fights jealous
Some argue that a hint of jealousy can spice things up. Many people still believe that jealous scenes are nothing more than statements of love ... But what is the limit for this? To what extent it is healthy to want to know everything about your partner's life? From that moment the concern with the attitudes it becomes obsessive, damaging the relationship?
The truth is that there is a fine line between jealousy and possession, leading many couples to discuss often, for various reasons: it does not approve the clothing worn by his girlfriend; she questions who are the links that her boyfriend has received the cell; one want to access social networks on the other to see if there "is nothing suspicious" etc.
Yes, most people agree that a "ciumezinho" makes up well for the relationship, it is a sign of affection, care. But when the man or woman to spend too much to control the life of the other, judging entitled to it, the situation is complicated and the relationship tends to become increasingly difficult.
Ceci Akatmatusu points out that the best way to work is jealousy ensure self-esteem. "When it becomes too much harm the couple and the relationship, the ideal is to seek therapeutic help. An exercise for those who feel jealousy is seeking to bring the reference back to itself every time the head starts to think of the other, to decide how to act on the other. It is important to consider whether it is worth continuing that way, "he explains.
"Another option for those who feel quite jealous is to seek activities that help strengthen self-esteem, which does not mean just taking care of physical beauty, but also refers to emotional, mental and spiritual care," adds the therapist.
2. Fights because of friendships on the other
there are rare cases of women who complain about her boyfriend's friends, and not of men who are bothered by the attitudes of some friends of his girlfriend ...
Phrases like "your friends are jerks and are calling you out all day," "her friends do not like me and do everything so that we get away," "you would rather hang out with them than be with me", " you give more attention to them than to me ", among other charges, they are common among some couples and generate constant bickering between them.
But how to solve the problem? The main orientation is to respect the opinion of others! Instead of criticizing the behavior and attitudes of a friend of her boyfriend, for example, try to think of good reasons that made the two are great friends. Think once, twice, even three times before starting a discussion about it. Remember that you also have your friends and probably would not want to listen to your partner talk them all the time.
One must keep in mind that the person you're dating or are married before being "boyfriend" or "husband" is someone who needs to have a respected individual, who has his own opinions, likes and freedom to choose kind of friendship that like to have / preserve.
And the converse is true: you must also have their individuality, maintain friendships with people who are important to you and try to talk the best possible way without fighting, if your partner insists on speaking ill of her friends.
3. Fights over money
A survey conducted by psychologist and professor at the University of Michigan (USA), Terri Orbuch, and published in 2012, pointed out the money as the main cause of conflicts between couples. Professional followed 373 newlyweds (the first year of marriage), collecting information over 25 years. In the study, 49% of divorced people reported that fought a lot with their partners because of different economic profiles and lies about spending.
It is true that, from the moment that two people choose to live together (married or simply going to live in the same house), issues such as "spending", "potential savings", "divisions of expenses," among others, are conversed frequently. The secret to these issues do not become a real discussion is to maintain a good dialogue, where men and women have their turn to speak, and also take a moment to stop and listen to the other.
But it is true that discussions about money can begin when men and women are still a couple of lovers. This is because each person thinks one way: some consider it important to save and leave always a buck saved for "the future"; others argue that the money should be used for trips, tours, personal desires ...
And so when two people spend most of their time together (as is the case of lovers), issues like this certainly comes up often causing misunderstandings.
But whether married or just lovers, it is essential that couples know talk in a civilized manner, be willing to listen and to "negotiate", so that decisions involving money are taken in the best possible way. And, of course, that such fights are avoided.
4. Fights for "lack of attention"
"Me and my boyfriend did not have the habit of discussing always get along very well, but the few times we fought, I was running that he was not giving enough attention to me," says Talita Fernanda Martins, 27, bank.
Reports such as Talita are common among some couples. At some stage of the relationship (either dating or marriage), the woman or the man may feel uncomfortable with what they consider "lack of attention" by the (a) partner (a).
Sometimes the complaint is unfounded and to the person who is getting this "accusation" sit on the right to defend itself, which can end up generating a discussion and even a more serious fight.
In other cases, the complaint can even make any sense, and it is from this moment that the couple should sit down to talk in a civilized manner on the subject, avoiding that it becomes a real discussion.
"I try to avoid as much fight with my boyfriend, but when you feel that he's a bit 'cold' with me, I'll talk ... I think I have to do this for the sake of our relationship. I do not know pretend I'm not seeing anything. Of course it is important that the conversation takes place in a peaceful way, without much discussion, but this is not always possible ... I think I have to try harder to do so, even to prevent further fights, "says Talita.
Thus, the tip is: it is very important that you talk to your boyfriend or husband if he considers that something in the relationship of you is not right. But it is essential that this conversation takes place in a civilized manner, no offense, so that everything can in fact be resolved in the best possible way.
Some couples as soon as they marry or even a little before that, by discussing issues that - in one form or another - are related to the responsibilities and the changes that a marriage (or simply the fact of living together) assumes.
"When we were still engaged and appeared some subject about weddings and / or children, me and my boyfriend often fought ... Generally, for nonsense. For example: I said I would like to have a cleaning lady at home after we married and he disagreed; I wanted to live in an apartment and he preferred a house; among other differing views we had and that generated good discussions, "says Renata Silva, 33, a lawyer.
Several couples who still confess that while flirted, had no major fights, but from the moment we moved in together, discussions have become much more frequent ... But why does this happen? How to avoid constant fights take account of marriage?
Ceci Akatmatusu explains that marriage requires a deeper commitment. "If people have personal challenges in dealing with the commitment, feeling it as something heavy or imprisoning, or as something that hurts their identity and self-esteem, for example, marriage creates an environment in which these issues are brought to light. I often say that the problem is not marriage, but the way people perceive and experience, "says the therapist.
Thus, if the fights between the couple are becoming common, a good solution is to find a therapy that makes man and reflect women about their thoughts, attitudes, so that together we can strive for the relationship follow more healthy and happy way.
How to "get away" from major fights that occur between a couple?
It emphasize that no couple is equal to another. But in general, most of the conflicts mentioned above - considered also generalized way - can be avoided if there is a good dialogue between man and woman.
The Ceci therapist stands to fight too much, in fact, is not healthy, but the absence of fights can be as harmful as the excess. "Escape the fights is not always a good thing, because it usually means only delay and increase the negative quality that needs to be faced. Fights show us that there is something to be harmonized in the relationship, as well as a pain in the body shows that something needs to be healed. Sometimes it's the very 'quarrelsome' attitude that needs to be addressed, "he says.
Ceci Akatmatusu considers that the fights are healthy and even necessary, as part of the experienced human relations today. "But we do not need to disrespect, aggression, deception, manipulation, anger, hurt, and anything else of its kind to discuss. Learning to argue and even fight constructively, with the greatest interest in making the relationship work above all is a great tip for the more harmoniously relate "he says. "To avoid unnecessary quarrel ask yourself: what attitude would demonstrate the best of my real desire to make the relationship work," concludes the therapist.